Bed bugs 101: info I hope you never need to know

WARNING

Warning, this is a long post and will definitely trigger anyone who has been through a bed bug infestation.  People legit get PTSD from going through this - it is the stuff nightmares - which I'll explain later - so only put yourself through getting this education if you are serious about preventing them or seriously think you may have them.  You have been warned….

Okay, you think you have bed bugs.  I really hope you're wrong, but I'm going to help you deal if you do.  You need to assess if you actually have them immediately.  Do not put this off.

IDENTIFY

First, figure out if you actually have bed bugs.  Did you find them on your bed, mattress, bedding, pillow, anywhere on fabric near where you sleep?  Or was it in a bathroom, wall of a room where no one sleeps, kitchen - somewhere like that?  If you didn't find it anywhere near where someone sleeps you may have a BAT bug - which looks identical to a bed bug (they're cousins) - and can only be differentiated under a microscope.  If you have bats in or around your house consistently, you may get bat bugs.  Good news is they AREN'T bed bugs and only feed on bats.  Bad news, you need to exterminate your bats to get rid of the bugs.  Also, look to see if you got bit.  The bites are small and you'd have tons of them, often in triangle patterns.  BUT - 10% of people don't show a reaction so bites alone do not tell the tale. 

If you did find what you suspect to be a bed bug near where someone sleeps - FIRST THING YOU DO - bag it.  Get a ziplock bag and put some of those suckers in there.  If you have a few variations of bugs (large brown red round, oval brown red, small clear, etc) - bag the variety - and honestly the largest brown red round ones are the mothers who are usually pregnant (and will birth more bugs every 5 days, each litter having up to 20-30 babies some of which will be more females) - so just grab those mamas if they're easy to get.  Some other signs are tons of little dark brown/black dots - their poop - or tons of little yellow round things - their eggs.  I know it's so fucking gross.

Okay, you have some bugs in a bag (sealed).  Now what?  Go online, google image search bed bugs.  Compare the google pics and your bugs in a bag up close (this shouldn't be super scary since they can't get you when they're in the bag) - and decide if you have bed bugs.  Other than BAT bugs - no other bugs have these characteristics so it should be pretty obvious if you do indeed have them.

CALL FOR HELP

Next, call an exterminator.  Don't just call the first number you find.  Call a company that SPECIALIZES in bed bugs specifically - and that has been exterminating them for many years.  These guys are VERY hard to get rid of and you don't want anyone wasting your time and money with ineffective treatments while they rapidly multiply in your home.  This can prevent a $400 problem from becoming a $10,000 problem.  I wish I was joking.

INVESTIGATE

Now, as you're waiting for the exterminator and trying not to lose your shit.  Here's what you can do.  Go to each bed in the house - examine the pillows, mattress corners (they don't go inside mattresses, they'll be crawling all around your pillow, sheets, mattress corners, etc).  You can also look on the floors nearby and couches.  Try to determine which rooms they are in, this will help the exterminators know where to start treating.

BUY SUPPLIES

Whether you're forced to go through this or you never ever want to go through this - there is something very effective that you can do.  Let's go!  Go to any local farm supply store and purchase a large bag of food grade Diatomaceous Earth (a 10 lb bag may last a lifetime).  If you don't have that kind of store near you, you can get an overpriced bag of it on Amazon.  This stuff is one of the best kept secrets in the world.  It's dirt cheap, completely safe for people and animals (because it's too small to hurt them) - and effectively kills MANY types of unwanted bugs like bed bugs, centipedes, spider, ants, all kinds of creepy crawlers. 

Here is a link to help you make sure you get the right stuff - the brand doesn't matter at all, so just shop for food grade and lowest price:

Diatomaceous Powder and Duster

So, buy that, and if it doesn't come with a duster, buy one of those too.  Then get some traps.  Like these: Bed Bug Traps  Definitely get white ones, not black.

TREAT AND PREVENT

You're going to put your traps under every bed frame post that touches the floor, under the legs of each couch, and under any other furniture with fabric on it that these traps can anchor under.  These traps are very effective for keeping MORE bedbugs from getting onto whatever furniture you're protecting with traps.  If a bedbug is already on this surface, the traps aren't going to help.  Bed bugs can't fly.  This is why they haven't taken over the planet.  Since they have to walk on the ground, the traps work by them walking up the sides (textured like fabric, they need grippy surfaces to walk on) - then they get trapped in the middle groove that is super smooth (they can't walk on slippery surfaces).  Often the traps come pre-loaded with diatomaceous earth but you can always add a bit more or add your own if you don't see a white powder.  A very thin layer of diatomaceous earth is all you need to kill any of these bugs that walk through it.

Once you've put traps everywhere helpful, now it's time to dust your place (you can do this preventatively or to treat an infestation).  Fill you duster with powder, and then squeeze the duster (like a little bellows) to the corners of rooms, thresholds of rooms, around all beds and couches and fabric chairs, and in all of your outlets.  Again, you just need a thin layer.  This powder on a micro level has tons of tiny shard razor blades that literally dry out bedbugs to an exoskeleton.  Amazing right?  You feel bad?  Don't hurt bugs?  Okay - read the next part then.

PTSD - THE BED BUG NIGHTMARE

It's important to respect the bed bug.  They are truly real life vampires.  The only thing they eat - the only thing that keeps them alive - is human blood.  True, if there are no humans around long enough they'll settle for a dog or a cat, but they much prefer people blood.  They are called bed bugs because someone sleeping in their bed is the most common way they find a meal.  It isn't until a person is in their deepest sleep cycle and breathing out lots of carbon dioxide (usually 2a-3a) that the bed bugs get attracted and find you.  They then all climb onto your skin - they don't care where - and they have two tentacles pointing off of their heads, one is to anesthetize the area so you can't feel them on you / drinking your blood, then the other one is for actually drinking your blood.  Bed bugs are born clear.  They turn a dark red brown after their first meal - they are forever stained from your blood.  How do you possibly sleep now knowing they are waiting to come eat you??  And while you sleep hundreds will be all over your body drinking your blood while you can't feel a thing.  PTSD.

GETTING RID OF THEM

Bed bugs can live without a meal for up to one year in small spaces like a crack of a floorboard or in the spine of a book.  Five things kill them: 1) not having a meal for over a year; 2) diatomaceous earth; 3) extreme cold; 4) extreme heat; 5) whatever effective chemicals exterminators use that I don't know anything about.  Most over the counter bed bug sprays are completely useless by the way.  A friend of mine who lives in a very cold climate couldn't afford an exterminator, so she put all of her belongings she didn't have to have in plastic bags, then set them out in her backyard for the winter.  And used diatomaceous earth on everything staying inside the house.  That did the trick.  Exterminators that are experts at getting rid of bed bugs DO WORK for sure.  Depending on how many you have - it can be a very long and very expensive process.  You have to spray/treat a home multiple times with several weeks in between (mind you, you are likely still needing to sleep at home during this whole extermination period if you don't have somewhere else to move/sleep for several months - and good luck convincing your friends/family that not one single bug is coming with you).  Because it is such a long awful process, that's why I highly recommend you use an exterminator if you can afford it AND also do everything in your power to also get rid of them / keep them forever gone.

THINGS YOU CAN DO

Put everything in your apartment, house, home, into plastic.  Plastic bags, sealed plastic.  Everything - especially all of your paper books if you have those.  Anything fabric that can go into your dryer on a few high heat cycles, do that.  Keep the diatomaceous earth in all the preventative places during extermination and long after they leave to ensure that one bug they missed still dies before making babies.  Keep an eye out because you can definitely see them.  If you travel frequently or ever at all - this is the most common way to unknowingly bring bed bugs home with you.  You can travel with traps, use the suitcase stand most hotels provide and keep the traps on each of the four posts.  You can also inspect the mattress/bedding you're going to sleep on and look for them.  The good news is you can always see them with the naked eye, so be on the look-out.

HEALING

If you do have an infestation, you WILL get rid of them, this WILL pass.  Do everything you can to ensure it's a one-time experience.  You also may want to seriously consider getting counseling or therapy to make sure you'll be able to peacefully sleep again once they are gone.  This is a LOT to go through and not something to avoid dealing with inside yourself.