Coping with catastrophic change

In a flash, an instant, your life has completely changed and will never be the same.

Maybe a parent, spouse or child has died.  Maybe you've become a caregiver for a loved one that will demand most of your time, energy, money, human resources.  Maybe a tornado ripped away your house.  Maybe you've been attacked or violated in some vicious way. 

There are endless tragedies that people face every day.  The ones that are catastrophic in nature are so impactful, there's often a period of disbelief that somehow the world can be going on as normal when you are finding yourself cemented in this new reality.

So, what now?  You can't change what has happened or what you think your life needs to be for now.  How do you proceed?  Start with the very basics.  You have got to keep your body running.  Set up a support system to make sure you eat (whether it's post-its, a system of friends dropping off food, delivery services, hiding granola bars all over the house, whatever is going to work).  You have to keep drinking water.  You need to sleep - and that sleep/restoration period is much more important during a time of crisis.  Often the first things we forget about in early moments of tragedy are that we have a body to keep running - so find a way to remember you need to eat, drink, move, sleep, hit the minimums of human survival.

Next, you'll need to form a plan so you can take things a step at a time and can stop letting the full impact of this tidal wave drown you, overwhelm you, take possession of you.  If you can't form a plan by yourself, find a close friend or family member, or a professional to help you.  Make a step by step plan, as micro-detailed as you find helpful, to ensure you are going to the take the actions you want to take, in the right order, that will start to bring your new reality and lifestyle into a acceptable rhythm.

Then, follow your plan, take your time, and extend yourself as much grace as possible.  Figure out the little things that bring you joy that you can still manage to give yourself - such as a piece of chocolate for no reason in the middle of the day - a phone call with a close friend that always makes you feel good - listening to a song you love - picking flowers from your garden - walking through a park - extra cuddles with your dog - whatever little simple pleasures bring you to an easy joyful place.  You have to break up the heavy or you will lose yourself in the dread.

Once you're in your new rhythm, go back to your plan and reevaluate.  You are in a very different headspace now.  No longer coping with the new reality, or struggling to process how things have changed.  Now that you have a clear head and are less consumed with grief, see if you need to change your plan.  Does this make sense for the next 6 months?  The next 6 years?  What does this plan do for the life I want for myself?  If your current plan doesn't feel like the place you definitely want to drop anchor - form a new plan, to keep things going for now and transition to a better place for yourself.  Then, rinse, repeat until you are happy with your life again and can regularly find peace.