How to get married and how to wedding

Two things.  There's getting married, joining with a life partner, building a life and family together.  Then, there's having a wedding.  Let's be careful not to conflate the two.

I'll first comment on marrying someone.  You first, should know yourself really well.  I have other posts on developing your interior self and becoming a self-possessed individual.  This work should have happened a while ago, not recently.  Then as a self-possessed person you should date several people to understand in real life experience what you enjoy, what you don't, what you need in a partner, what you can't have in a partner, what you bring to a relationship, what you find challenging in relationships - all of these things because they will inform your ability to find a partner you not only desire but are very compatible with. 

In the end, love isn't that special.  Dogs, fellow mammals of ours, fall in love almost immediately with hundreds of people - this has been scientifically studied.  People, are also capable of falling in love with lots of people throughout their lives.  This is part of how arranged marriages and marriage of convenience (much more common in the past) often worked harmoniously as people were often able and willing to grow in love with each other.  You may 'believe' in soulmates; you may 'believe' finding love with someone is rare; and you make a lot of things feel true if you tell yourself they are in fact true.  You are, ultimately, mistaken.  We are capable of loving lots of people in lots of ways, period.  Finding someone we're compatible with - now that is tricky.  You have to know yourself VERY well and so do they, or you're both just taking shots in the dark.

My last bit of advice for someone wanting to find an excellent life partner - first you know yourself very well, then date from that centered place - and also - I think everyone should have the experience of living on their own and supporting themselves.  You should have your own place to live by yourself, work at a job, earn your own money, and pay all of your bills.  By doing this for a year or two, you will learn many lessons in finance, resilience, discipline, and self-reliance that you cannot learn another way.  When you marry someone legally, you are just financially binding yourselves together and making it very difficult to break-up.  There is nothing romantic or religiously significant about signing a legal contract to be married.  It is only about being financially tied in the eyes of the government.  Everything else is up to you.  (You are also legally bound to care for your children if and when you have or adopt them but this has nothing to do with whether you're married - that's about legal guardianship).

So let's set all of that aside, you found your person and you want to get married AND you want to have some kind of ceremony, we'll call it a wedding.

First there's something to reconcile.  You may have had a vision from a young age of what your 'wedding' would someday look like.  Or maybe it's just a few impressions or images such as the moment locking eyes during the reveal to walk down the aisle, or feeding each other cake, or a first dance, or just taking photos in your wedding clothes.  Whatever you or someone close to you has always envisioned is one data point.  The other data point, or points in this case - are all of the other possibilities available to you now that you are whatever age you are, whatever income level you are, whoever you and your partner are as people, and what do you actually want together that makes sense for a ceremony.

There's an old traditional outlook that it is a big deal and a big milestone to have a huge wedding.  If this is very important to you and/or your family, and everyone can easily afford it - just do it, don't look back and have an amazing time.  If you don't want this or can't afford it - now is the time to open yourself up to tons of options, including those out of the box.

First figure out what the two of you as a unit, value and want.  Is the ceremony about a religious binding?  Is it about a big party to celebrate the two of you as a couple?  Is it about bringing families together?  Is it about starting an adventure.  First define what is going to make this meaningful for you as a couple - and have that be what you build upon - not anything else or anyone else's expectations. 

If you are both deeply religious, there are likely many traditions related to marriage you've both been steeped in and can help provide a framework for the ceremony.  If you aren't religious or do not currently practice your religion, you may want to explore untraditional settings for your ceremony such as outside or at a cool building, you may want a friend to officiate since any Tom, Dick or Harry can be ordained in 5 seconds online, you may or may not want to keep or discard any of the extras outside of the ceremony such as feeding everyone a meal, having a big dance party, getting everyone drunk, taking professional photos/video, making a whole weekend of it with the rehearsal dinner or as a destination wedding, etc. 

If you want to consider lots of options and aren't sure what's out there, google is your friend.  Tons of people have been proud to post all of their creative, unusual wedding ceremony plans.  You can also ask family and friends of course - but this may open you up to strong influences from emotionally invested people that could complicate you deciding what you as a couple want just for yourselves.

Finally - really consider what everything is going to cost for this ceremony and how that may limit other things you want to do together early in your marriage.  Do you both want to buy a house together, or live in an apartment in a cool place or want to get a dog, or one of you needs a car, or you both really want to travel to places together - all of these things, many of these things could be shut down for years and years if you end up doing into massive debt to have a big wedding ceremony/reception.  Let's not forget, legally, getting married is just financially binding you two together and making it really hard to break-up - so the financial commitment of whatever you both want for this couple initiation moment - will definitely set the tone.