Sleep training: the science-based truth Americans don't want to hear

You're going to have a baby or just did or had one last year.  You are worried about sleep.  Your sleep.  The baby's sleep.  Your partner's sleep.  Your dog's sleep.  The house or apartment or neighbors ever feeling peace again.  A myth perpetuated in casual conversations across the country among new and experienced parents alike is that babies are either good or bad sleepers, and parents just have to deal with what they get.  Another myth is that if you feel bad, the baby feels bad - for example, you love your baby and don't want to leave it alone and it feels so good to have them fall asleep peacefully in your arms and they love that too.  All of this flies in the face of what science tells us about how human beings develop their natural ability to get excellent daily sleep.

There is nothing I'm going to tell you that can't be easily learned reading through the myriad books, podcasts, resources available about science-based sleeping.  If you want to read 'Cherish the First 6 Weeks' by Helen Moon or Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman, 'The Happy Sleeper' by Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright, 'Precious Little Sleep' by Dubief, and 'The Sleep Easy Solution' by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack - you can skip this blog.  If you don't have time to read those, read on here. 

Why don't American know about basic sleep science or spread the good word or change their approach accordingly?  We generally have a distrust of expertise in our modern society and tend to trust the opinions of our tribe more (family, friends, co-workers, community, political party, etc).  Also, some of us may feel betrayed by science in some way (often rooting in a misunderstanding that science is supposed to exact, finite, and static - when it is always evolving and becoming more precise / changed given the new facts, data, and information constantly becoming available).  Anyway, for whatever reason - if everyone you know says babies won't sleep through the night for several months or years and we all just suck it up - if everyone you know believes this and has experienced this - why would you question it?

Well, it's totally incorrect on its face, on its back, on its side, and otherwise.  Newborns, in the first 2-3 weeks, are definitely super needy and disoriented.  We're talking feeding them every 2 hours around the clock, changing diapers at least that often, and helping them get a good nap several times per day and night.  Once a newborn hits that 2-3 week mark, the circadian rhythm develops.  This is a person sensing light and dark (the presence and absence of the sun) to indicate whether it's time for the body to sleep for night or be awake for the day.  This is instinctual.  As instinctual as us understanding we need food and water.  If you understand when a baby's circadian rhythm is developing, you can use it to your advantage and help them be guided and conditioned to sleeping peacefully through the night by the time they are 6 weeks old.  And I don't mean 4 hours through the night, I mean 8-12 hours through the night.

You do this through two things.  Never rocking your baby to sleep to ensure they are ALWAYS putting themselves to sleep for every nap and bedtime - and - following a very strict schedule from 2-3 weeks to 6 weeks - and then throughout their young childhood as consistently as possible.  If you rock your baby to sleep or hold them while they fall asleep you are robbing them of the physiological experience of learning how to put themselves to sleep as a human.  Only they can teach this to themselves - it's about as personal and instinctual as it gets.  When we get in the way by 'comforting' them to sleep, we interfere with this natural process and significantly complicate their development by teaching and conditioning them to 'need' us in order to fall asleep.

Next the schedule.  You can download endless charts and calculators online but it's essentially fairly simple.  You start out with the newborn eating, sleeping, and being changed basically every 2 hours around the clock.  By 3 weeks old, they can probably take a longer sleep during the nighttime hours, like 3-4 hours.  So you slowly help them feel comfortable sleeping for longer periods just during the nighttime hours.  First you need to master the 'dream-feed'.  This is a feeding where you barely wake up your baby just enough so that they can take their bottle, and then get them carefully back into their crib so they can keep on sleeping.  The idea is that it is as though they are just dreaming about eating and don't realize they woke up enough to actually eat.  The opposite of a dream feeding is turning on the lights, completely waking up your baby, talking and singing to them, using toys to stimulate them, and feeding them as though it's the middle of the day.  By keeping them half asleep in the dark, you're reenforcing their body learning about darkness equals deep sleeping, and helping them learn how to sleep for longer periods at nighttime.

Here is a schedule you can follow - and it shows the progression from newborn to 6 weeks when you baby can peacefully sleep from 10a-5a, for 7 hours, and it will be 8 hours, 9 hours, 10 hours, each week after that.

Newborn to 3 weeks

Feeding every 2-3 hours

17-18 hours of sleep per day

3 weeks old

*introduce dream-feeds to harmonize with circadian rhythm starting at 10p

7:00 A.M. - Feed and playtime

10:00 A.M. - Feeding; allow for sleep afterward

1:00 P.M. - Feeding; follow baby’s cues for awake/playtime

4:00 P.M. - Feeding; encourage playtime

7:00 P.M. - Feeding; prepare for nighttime sleep

10:00 P.M., 2:00 A.M., 5:00 A.M. - Night feedings (dream-feedings), kept quiet and calm.

4 weeks old

7:00 A.M.: Feeding; active until 9:00 A.M.; then naptime

10:00 A.M.: Feeding; followed by a nap

1:00 P.M.: Feeding; awake until 2:00 P.M naptime until 4:00 P.M.

4:00 P.M.: Feeding; active until 5:30 P.M. 

5:30–6:30 P.M.: Nap; wake gently if asleep. 

6:45 P.M.: Bath time and bedtime routine. 

7:00 P.M.: Final feeding; bedtime. 

10:00 P.M. and 3:00 A.M.: Nighttime feedings (dream-feedings)

5 weeks old

7:00 A.M.: Feeding; active until 9:00 A.M.; then naptime

10:00 A.M.: Feeding; followed by a nap

1:00 P.M.: Feeding; awake until 2:00 P.M naptime until 4:00 P.M.

4:00 P.M.: Feeding; active until 5:30 P.M. 

5:30–6:30 P.M.: Nap; wake gently if asleep. 

6:45 P.M.: Bath time and bedtime routine. 

7:00 P.M.: Final feeding; bedtime. 

10:00 P.M. and 4:00 A.M.: Nighttime feedings (dream-feedings)

6 weeks old

7:00 A.M.: Feeding; active until 9:00 A.M.; then naptime

10:00 A.M.: Feeding; followed by a nap

1:00 P.M.: Feeding; awake until 2:00 P.M naptime until 4:00 P.M.

4:00 P.M.: Feeding; active until 5:30 P.M. 

5:30–6:30 P.M.: Nap; wake gently if asleep. 

6:45 P.M.: Bath time and bedtime routine. 

7:00 P.M.: Final feeding; bedtime. 

10:00 P.M. and 5:00 A.M.: Nighttime feedings (dream-feedings)

You can see how this works.  And it really does work.  There's one important caveat here that I have to explain in order to be fair.  Another reason why most Americans don't know about or follow this practice - is their own inconsistent sleep schedule and their very busy lives.  If you as an adult, don't go to sleep at the same time every night and have a busy work, hobby, or social life that has to staying up or out at various times in any given week - it will be next to impossible for you to provide the same exact sleep schedule for your baby and children 7 days a week, 365 days per year.  Now, you CAN make plans.  You can get a babysitter and have them follow the schedule to the letter, yes.  But can you do this multiple days per week?  Likely not.  In order to introduce this level of discipline, structure, and adherence to a schedule - it is going to have to work with your own life and the overall household.

I will say all people at all ages benefits from understanding basic principles and related practices of sleep sciences - some of the main pillars being sleeping at the same time every night, sleeping in darkness and silence, sleeping without simulants and stressors in the system, etc.

If you want this work for your baby, and are willing to make changes in your own life - you will all likely benefit tremendously.