The human way to break-up

It's time to break up.  You know it.  They may know and not want it or won't do it.  It's on you, and you have a decision to make.  How.

To be clear, I don't just mean romantic relationships.  Sometimes we need to break up with a friend we've grown apart from or who is making destructive choices we can't be near or who has changed into a total dick.  Sometimes we need to break up with a family member that is toxic and abusive.  Sometimes a married couple need to begin the conversation about divorce - so this starts the same way - introducing a break up.

I'll first lay-out the ways you should NOT break-up with someone and why.

Do not: break up over a text message.  This implies you are lacking respect for them, scared of confrontation, childish, don't have the time or won't make the time to discuss in person, and aren't truly considerate.

Do not: break up by having someone else deliver the message.  This implies you have no social skills and would rather manipulate those around you than grow a pair.  

Do not: break up in a more passive written form such as email, letter, post, etc.  While you may be taking the time to lay out your thoughts clearly, you are not allowing for an active conversation.  This is still the cowards way out and not giving respect or appreciation for the voice of the other person.

Do: have a conversation, in person, and have it begin with I think we should break-up, let's talk about it.  Just because you are introducing a conversation about ending your contact with each other, and open to talking about it, doesn't mean you need to waver on your decision to ultimately break-up or open yourself up to be persuaded to stay together.  If you can't talk about breaking up without them convincing you to stay together, you both need therapy to learn to not be codependent and put yourselves first.  If you cannot meet in person for valid reasons (you're in other countries, someone is sick, something legit) then, and only then, it is acceptable to have this live conversation over FaceTime or on the phone.  You should first state you would have rather discussed this in person.

So why discuss?  You've made your decision, you know it's the right thing for you, you're setting your healthy boundary - what is there to talk about?  That's something you're never going to know if you don't discuss it.  I'm making the assumption that if you entered into romantic relationship, marriage, or just close friendship with this person there were things you enjoy, care about, learn from, benefit from in this person.  You are both going to need to understand why you are parting ways, get some closure, and ideally come to a peaceful place whether or not this change is mutually desired.  If you can be an adult in this situation, discuss the matter, enter the space with respect, you are far more likely to not only completely break-up (not have things be a vague mess indefinitely) - but you also are likely to both be capable of civility as your paths cross in the future.  You also, will be able to move on for yourself, heal, and become available for other relationships in the future.